Imaginary interview

Imaginary interview with myself

Q: so why don’t you drink?

Short answer: Just sort of never had, and just kept with it

Long answer: That’s such an odd question to me. I ask you…why drink? Or, what are the reasons people drink? Because I’ve never understood any reason to ring true.

Q: To socialise?

WM: I socialise. And why do you need a chemical to socialise?

Q: It helps. It facilitates. It relaxes you.

WM: Shouldn’t you learn those skills anyway? If you have a problem talking to people without alcohol, you still have a problem.

Q: It helps to get rid of inhibitions.

WM: well, again. Same deal. Should alcohol really be solving your personality problems? Maybe problems is not the right word…

Q: It helps people witha self esteem boost?

WM: Are those the people who need a war to feel better about themselves? Try eating more carrots. That also applies to people who use alcohol to help their confidence.

Q: To land a root?

WM: That’s true. You can also pay directly for that and not drink.

Q: It’d be a strange world. It’d be one big year 9 dance. Everyone would be awkward and untalkative.

WM: It’s a funny thought but I don’t think that’s true. Also, it’s not for everybody.

Q: You’re not against alcohol?

WM: I’m not against any drug. Or at least, anyone’s choice to use any drug. That’s up to them. But I do find it saddening to see drug dependency. And drugs being used on a regular basis to make a person feel a certain way that they could get to without drugs.

Q: So how do you feel about drinkers?

WM: I treat them the same as anyone I know. In fact it’s almost everyone I know anyway. I’ve only met one person who doesn’t drink, for similar political (little “p”) reasons.

Q: you don’t look down on them?

WM: No. I smoke. To tell someone not to take drugs is hypocritical. I’ve never in my life told anyone they should stop drinking. Ever. Not once. But people think that because I don’t drink, that I judge them. It’s threatening.

Q: Is being casually threatening deliberate?

WM: No. That’s not the reason I’m open about it. The reason I’m open about it is, maybe, one day, like a friend of mine’s kid might feel like not getting smashed and his friends are doing it every night or every week, and he might ask his dad about it, and he might go, well I know this guy who never drank and he still managed to go out and have fun times and things. It’s not that important.

Q: Do you? Do you go out and have fun?

WM: I’m not the happiest person in the world, but I can easily let myself go and be all giddy and silly on a night out. It’s a bit frustrating when people then say I’m drunk. Having fun just equals being drunk in this day and age. But people will always want to knock you down and make you seem not that different to them.

Q: Do people knock you down?

WM: Yes. People are always trying to get me to drink. My usual response now is “only if you suck my cock.” But I expect it. I am trying to be different, in a time and age where that’s frowned upon.

Q: Not really. Lots of people don’t drink.

WM: No, I don’t think that’s true. And not all for political reasons. It’s like being a vegetarian. It’s a lifestyle choice. How many people do you know who’ve done that? I’ve only ever met one other person, like I said. I imagine it’s one in ten thousand at least. Maybe more. That sounds arrogant, to say I’m different to so many people. People think that means I’m saying I’m better, or more elite, than the average Joe. Well, I’m not. We’re all different. But I understand it’s threatening

Q: What do you say to someone who says they are not going to drink anymore?

WM: It’s up to them. I hope they are making the right choice for them. I don’t encourage people to follow my lead at all. Don’t stop drinking cos you’re my friend or girlfriend, just to get my approval or something. Cos you’ll turn around and one day when you drink again, your actions will be tied to someone you once knew. “I didn’t drink cos I had this boyfriend who didn’t drink.” That belittles it. Do it if it’s right for you. If not, then don’t.

Q: but you just went on and on about why people shouldn’t drink.

WM: Did I? Well, those are the reasons I don’t drink. I don’t think I’m going to change the world on this one, but I feel it’s important to hold my ground.

Q: I need a drink after all this.

WM: I need a smoke.

Old Roald

thanks to Keegan

Old Roald
You are gold
Or so I’m told
Your books fold
At night it’s cold

he wasn’t always bald
but the pattern was in the mould.

he had no toupé to hold,
but a newspaper he rolled
which he bought (i’m told)
with the money from the books that he sold.

with sales to behold
and people we polled
loved the stories retold
by old Roald


I just want to go home
Please hurry up the plane
And hurry up these people
And hurry up the baggage
And shrink down this walkway
And kill the people ahead of me in the line
And get that taxi here already
I just want to go home

Sam And Linklater

One day we should record our conversation
Hours and hours of human insight
So I can listen back to it when I’m not in town
And not have to rely on memory and imaginings
Of how you might cut me down
Or how I might cut you back
And how we can smoke by the Yarra
Have coffees til midnight
And discuss the deepest darkest subjects
At the top of our lungs at a dumpling resturaunt
As others look at us wondering if we’re really
Talking about the nature of criticism
Or my theory of boys and girls
Or depression, death and deathly,
And how you have a crush on me
And we can cast two really good looking people
(one choice each of course)
And we can send the tape to Richard Linklater
And show him how it’s really done
Because for four hours we barely took a breath
And you were so right so often
And we truly listened to eachothers points
And everything is perfect the way it is
And everything is where it should be.

Brushed off

You know that time when you said to me
“If you need someone to talk to…”
And I brushed you off because I didn’t know you
I’m sorry

Cos maybe I could be there for you now
Maybe it’s not too late.
We’ll talk when I see ya.
If I see ya.
We can talk about death and loneliness

Saturday 11/06/2005

Cup of tea
And Simon and Garfunkel
On a rainy day
I pretend that my apartment is in New York
Where the men in checked pants
And moustaches older than me
Sit and play chess
Old Italians with accents
A trendy couple on holiday
Are getting blown away
By movie references on every corner
Uni kids reading poetry
Discussing Frank Lloyd Wright
Using ideas as their maps
And I am of the intellegensia
Of the young minds out to change the world
Through perception of generations
Cos the ideas come from the young