Issues that arise from having a fuck buddy
Issues that arise (written in the style of Dave Eggers, who’s book I’m currently reading):
1) ISSUE OF WHY DON’T WE JUST GO OUT
Is it because your last two boyfriends had goaties? But we like eachother, we go well together, but let’s not tell anyone. Great for the self esteem.
1a) ISSUE OF YOUR FRIENDS ASKING YOU IF YOU ARE GOING OUT
and wanting to reply with, no but we’re fucking though.
2) ISSUE OF WANTING TO BE IMPORTANT TO THAT PERSON ANYWAY
So, am I really allowed to ask someone else to go with me to Gershwin in the park? No, cos we’d be fucking and you love Gershwin, even though I want to go with another girl.
3) ISSUE OF LOSING MY FRIEND I TALK ABOUT SEX AND WOMEN WITH
Really. Who do I talk to now.
4) ISSUE OF NOT REALLY WANTING TO HEAR ABOUT HER EXPLOITS WITH BOYS ANYMORE
I mean, look at me, how can she be even looking around with such a fine catch at her fingertips? Not worth thinking about.
5) ISSUE OF EXPLAINING ALL THIS TO PEOPLE CLOSE FRIENDS ALSO IN THE CIRCLE
Some people I can’t lie to.
6) ISSUE OF FALLING BACK ON THE EASY ROOT AND LEADING TO NOT MEATING PEOPLE
If you know you’re going to meet up with someone at 1, spending the hours of 8-12:59 talking to someone new and pretty is diminished. Horrible, yes? But if it’s any other time of day. But let’s face it, it’s friday, you’re tipsy, you’re pretty, work has been shit, I want to root. So I’m sorry if that sounds crass and hey if I get nowhere (most nights) fine, but if I have someone I can fall back on…
7) ISSUE OF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP ANYWAY, REALLY
You need to keep food in your fridge they like, express more interests in their lives, etc etc…you basically have to make sure you get along all the time. Yet be casual. Cos you’re not that emotionally invested to be fighting BUT YOU ARE because you share emotional space.
8) ISSUE OF ME OVER THINKING AND FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE IN MOST SITUATIONS INVOLVING WOMEN ANYWAY
Really. It’s best if we don’t talk.